Entitled, hungry boyfriend eats partner out of house and home: 'He's using you for free food'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 23, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

I always feel weird about taking food from other people's houses. I get so self-conscious about not being entitled that I always refuse everything, even if I want something. But I recently learned that it's good manners to accept a drink, etc. from your host if they offer it to you. It makes them feel better about their hosting abilities, and it puts them at ease. Then they're not wondering if they don't have the right thing for you, or if you think you're better than what they're offering. So even though it seems polite to refuse, it's better form to accept. How bout that? 

But there is of course a line that you need to be careful about not crossing. A line that this Redditor's boyfriend definitely crossed. I get that you want your partner to be an extension of you, but maybe food is where we set a boundary.

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  • 01
    4 PORTALLA SP "He's seriously messing up my finances"
    via Becca Tapert
  • 02
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Ok-Background8236 • 3h AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop eating so much?
    via u/Ok-Background8236
  • 03
    This such a stupid fight honestly but Reddit do your thing. So some backstory. During my [28M] undergrad years, my parents paid for my grocery bills because they really (rightfully so) believed that good food is important to a students health. (I know, my parents are awesome). They never set a monthly limit to how much I could spend, but I was really frugal and never went over a $200 limit I imposed on myself. Now I'm back in grad school for my masters, and my parents are covering again. I know,
    via u/Ok-Background8236
  • 04
    My [27M] boyfriend, however, basically inhales all my food every time he's over. Like eating all my snacks and legit every frozen meal, all the meat, one time he even ate the other half of a cheese I had already bit into (?!), etc, so he's basically wolfing down my dinner and lunch. It's forced me to open my own wallet to accommodate him (because not gonna send my parents a suddenly huge grocery bill) and he's seriously messing up my finances (I plan basically down to the dollar).
    via u/Ok-Background8236
  • 05
    We got into arguments and his side is basically that my parents are gonna cover anyway so I need to stop spending my own money and not worry so much. And when I go over to his house I eat his food too (but I don't eat as much as he does?)
    via u/Ok-Background8236
  • 06
    My arguments are: just because my parents are covering doesn't mean he can eat anything he wants? He legit eats my whole fridge I'm not even joking. The only thing he leaves are the vegetables. And he could eat less? When we go out he often has leftovers so why eat everything at my place? I've banned him from cooking and using the raw ingredients at my place and I'm only giving him my small stash of snacks when he comes over and after the third time he's not talking to me. Honestly this is such
    via u/Ok-Background8236
  • 07
    ocean_lei • 2h Just start with "I am really grateful my parents are helping me and I am not going to abuse that. I dont want this to be a big deal and I want you to be able to eat enough while you are over, but I am spending about $ more per week over when it is just me and I would like you to contribute with funds or grocery shopping. That increased cost for groceries at mine Includes when I eat at yours so that should be fair. Can you help me out because I really cant afford spending that much
    via u/ocean_lei
  • 08
    Ok-Background8236 OP. 2h Thanks. This is exactly how I feel just didn't know how to express it verbally.
    via u/Ok-Background8236
  • 09
    South_Butterscotch37 • 1h Partassipant [1] "My parents agreed to cover groceries for me, not me and you"
    via u/South_Butterscotch37
  • 10
    Choice_Werewolf1259 1h Aficionado [18] Can't upvote this enough. If he's literally eating his whole fridge he's willfully taking advantage of OP and his parents. If the behavior doesn't stop then I would personally end things. Since it speaks to a flaw in his character that he feels so entitled to my parents money and contribution to my education. But that would be how I would handle it. Not sure where OP stands on things.
    via u/Choice_Werewolf1259
  • 11
    Maleficent_Night_335. 3h Partassipant [3] NTA, your boyfriend is inconsiderate as and it feels like he is more just using you as a food bank so he doesn't have to spend as much money on his own food and it feels like he will likely extend this to other things the more your relationship progresses. Also, your boyfriend is being completely inconsiderate of your own parents and by extension feels like he is entitled to do as he pleases through you while actively exploiting you and leaving you hungr
    via u/Maleficent_Night_335
  • 12
    3bag • 2h This is more of a problem than him eating your food. He feels entitled to your food/possessions. He feels entitled to your parent's finances! He doesn't care that he leaves little for you. He hasn't apologized. He doesn't care about your feelings/opinions/wants/ needs. HE'S A GREEDY ! NTA
    via u/3bag
  • 13
    NTA. coastalkid92 • 3h Craptain [161] While he is your partner, he is also a guest in your home and it's just poor manners to eat someone out of house and home. By all means, open the snack cabinet to him, but there should be a reasonable expectation that your groceries will last beyond him coming over for a day or two. It's also extremely tacky to say that it's all good because your parents foot the bill.
    via u/coastalkid92
  • 14
    venturebirdday • 2h I consider it a character flaw when someone freely spends others money. Who is he to decide how your parents should spend their money. Why is HE entitled to their money or yours? - he is effectively trying to reach into another's wallet. If he wants to eat - he can pay for food - there is no other moral option. I have a lovely niece who has two kids and doing a great job. Every week we had family dinner and I would be sure she left with a mountain of leftovers - no cooking, c
    via u/venturebirdday
  • 15
    SnooRecipes9891 • 3h Partassipant [1] Ew! NTA His entitlement is very concerning. This is not someone that is compatible with your goals of planning and being frugal. This is how he would be in a marriage. Do you want that?
    via u/SnooRecipes9891
  • 16
    zoobatron • 3h Pooperintendant [67] NTA if he's eating loads of food at your place, he should be contributing towards it. He's using you for free food because your parents are paying.
    via u/zoobatron__
  • 17
    Artistic_Tough5005 • 3h Professor Emeritass [71] NTA Does he eat like that at home? Is he willing to help pay for groceries? Your parents are helping you because you're in school not feeding you and your bf just for fun.
    via u/Artistic_Tough5005
  • 18
    Exact Purchase765 • 2h Partassipant [3] NTA I have rant about him, but I'll keep it to this - please consider what this tells you about his character. After being cut off from being a total gobble pig he's now pouting and not talking to you? Good lord and butter...
    via u/Exact_Purchase765

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toxic-boyfriend boyfriend relationship advice family drama aita drama funny boyfriend relationship-drama am i the asshole relationships entitled food eating Reddit toxic relationship healthy relationship entitled people
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